Episode 1: Introduction: What even IS the Sandwich Generation? And are YOU in it?

Are you taking care of your young kids and aging parents? Are you feeling like you’re in the messy middle and you don’t know where to go? We felt the same way so we started this podcast ♡

In this episode, we discuss the challenges faced by the sandwich generation, who are simultaneously caring for aging parents and raising young children. Our conversation introduces us, your charming co-hosts, Robyn Frank and Eliesa Johnson, as we share our personal experiences with being sandwiched. We also explore the emotional and financial burdens of caregiving, the importance of community support, and our hopes and dreams for The Sandwich Generation Pod and how we want YOU to be a part of it all! ✨

Takeaways:

Why is caregiving so emotionally and physically taxing?

Community support is crucial!

How isolation plays into the struggles

Navigating the complex process of Assisted Living

Humor as a coping mechanism is real

Build that community for much-needed support!

Chapters

00:00 Introduction to The Sandwich Generation Pod

05:20 What IS Sandwich Generation?

10:41 Our Hopes and Dreams for this Podcast

14:19 Engagement and Community Building

Links and Resources:

We want to hear from you and invite you to be a part of the community we are building! Do you want to share your story of being in The Sandwich Generation? Do you have a question or topic you’d love us to talk about? Maybe you have a very funny or terribly sad To Laugh or Cry Moment? We’d love to hear from you however you want to show up and you can find us in these spaces:

Find us on Instagram @ thesandwichgenerationpod

Join our community on Substack

Email us: hello@thesandwichgenerationpod.com

Visit our Website: thesandwichgenerationpod.com

Transcript

Eliesa Johnson (00:00)
Welcome to the Sandwich Generation pod where we talk about our aging parents and our babies and really everything in between. We're your hosts. I'm Robyn Frank. And I'm Eliesa Johnson. Let's get into it.

Eliesa Johnson (00:16)
Okay. Here we are. Here we are. I'm so proud of us. I am too. I'm so happy we're here. How did we make time for this? I don't know. Like I actually don't know. We are two incredibly busy people. And I mean, I think that this idea has kind of been with both of us for a long time.

And we really are making it happen. You know, we're finding the time somewhere. Somewhere between like driving our people around and taking them to doctor's appointments and peanut butter and jelly. We're here. Exactly. Yeah, exactly.

But okay, Robyn, tell me this. Why did you want to start this podcast?

Okay. So little background, A couple of years ago, maybe three years ago now, I was going through a lot. I was about seven months pregnant. My dad had just had a massive stroke. He was in his early seventies. My mother was on her way to see my dad in rehab and she got in a massive car accident. She had already been ⁓ showing signs of dementia. So

Really, found myself, I'll never forget that particular day where she got in the car accident on her way to see my dad, because that was the moment where my life officially changed. I had a one and a half year old. I had another baby on the way. Both of my parents were in their early seventies, which is pretty young for them to both. And this was just kind of on the tail end of COVID. So pretty young for them to be going downhill.

I do have a loving sister. She doesn't live here. So I was the primary caretaker and I found myself in the thick of what I guess I learned we know now as the sandwich generation. And I'm a very strong person and I figured out what to do one step at a time, but my life has never been the same. ⁓ And then I'm very lucky. I have a great village of friends and family around me and one of our friends in common, her name is Bethany, we love her. Shout out to Bethany Hall.

We love you. Was listening to everything I was going through watching when I was going through feeling helpless as a friend, but said, you know what? We have another friend in common who's going through something really similar. Eliesa is going through something really similar. I think you guys should reach out and talk to each other. And I'm so glad she did. ⁓ I'm so glad she did. So glad. And what's kind of funny is that maybe we had one phone conversation or something, but even in the midst of

that time, it wasn't like we were talking all of the time, but just to get a text from you being like, how are you doing? Thinking of you, checking in on you. That meant so much. know? Yeah. Because it's, was just insanely lonely. And one of the biggest things I think we talked about, and I want you to explain your story too, one of the biggest things we did talk about, we finally actually got on the phone because we were literally in the middle of diapers and impossible.

We both just thought, where do we go for the, where do we, how do I figure this out? How do I get power of attorney? How do I, what are the, what are the legal things I need to do? How do I get my parents help? How do I, where do I go? And we are both pretty resourceful ladies. We both are business owners. We are smart. We are very capable. And yet we felt helpless, which is why that brings me to why I felt we needed to get out there and talk to.

women and people like us that are going through this very specific time in life to be there for them to say, you're not alone. What are your questions? Can we help you get to the answer quicker? Can we get the answers ourselves? Can we maybe try to laugh through some of the most painful moments we experience? We have to laugh. We have to laugh. So I would love for people to kind of hear about how you started on this journey too, and found yourself in the sandwich generation.

Yeah, I think through my journey, there has been continually this idea of like, wow, I wish this was easier. why aren't there more clear resources or a path to navigate aging parents? because we never know in life when that day is gonna happen, right? When that moment happens that changes.

the course of everything. And then all of a sudden you step into a new phase of life with your parents. When is the moment you actually realized that you were in it? I think mine was a little bit twofold. I'll back way up. So growing up,

my parents built on a mother-in-law addition to the house that I grew up in as a child. And my grandma lived with us until she passed away. But she was, I don't know, 92 or 93 by the time she passed. She was very healthy and very independent.

all those years that she lived with us, which is awesome to have a live in grandma. And I think my parents kind of assumed that they would take over that mother-in-law space as they aged and kind of like live in that side of the house and someone from the family would live in the main house, which is what happened for a few years. I have two half brothers and one of them ended up purchasing my parents' house. They lived with him.

in the mother-in-law suite for a while. But then my mom's health started slowly declining. And it was really her that was like, you know, I think I'm ready for some more help and some more community. And so she really made it known that things like dishes, laundry, cleaning, those were getting difficult for her. But she also had this thing happen.

with her foot that she stopped driving very early. Like how old? I mean, she was in her sixties when she had to stop driving. So my dad drove her everywhere. And when we moved my parents out of their house, well, I should say we started looking before COVID happened. And because of COVID, no one was accepting new residents for a long time.

And it was really tricky because as I learned more about my parents' financial situation, I learned that they weren't going to really be able to pay 100 % private pay for very long. Which we will be talking about. will absolutely be talking about. and you're like, oh, my parents don't have any money either. Exactly. We got you. Yes. We got you. That is a whole thing we've navigated. So I knew that eventually they would have to go on what's called medical assistance or different waivers that we have here in Minnesota.

And I should also like just take a minute to stop and say, we are not lawyers. We're not offering legal advice. We are not doctors. We're not offering medical advice in this podcast, but we are offering our knowledge from our experiences. so we found a place for them to live. they moved and Primarily we moved for my mom's health and so she could get help. And she also felt pretty isolated because she couldn't drive.

But when we moved in only a couple months later, my dad actually went through a major health event. He was in the ICU for months. He almost died on various occasions. But that is kind of the day, right? When I feel like things change for me is when he got sick because we all kind of thought that we were moving there for my mom. My dad would continue to like work.

and drive and you'd have a parent that could really exactly like they would have more independence for longer. I'd kind of calculated out how long they could pay private pay and none of that went to plan. I mean, right just right an instant everything changed and so all of a sudden I also I don't remember how old Florence was but she was very young.

I want to say she was like two or so. I honestly, I don't know because it's such a blur. But I was in this phase of having a toddler all of sudden caring for two parents, one which we didn't know if it was going to make it. So I was going to the hospital and the ICU and then I was going to assisted living and my mom's still adjusting. This is

very fresh after their move that his health stuff happened. And he has since made a miraculous journey, which I will get into in another episode. And I feel very lucky that both of my parents are still alive And also their money ran out so fast. Their independence has left them quicker than we thought. And on this journey in the last few years,

It's not just one stage of grief or loss that they're going through. It's many, right?

As their health ailments progress and their bodies are constantly changing, there's other health things. It's emotional, it's financial, it's physical, you know, and then they're also navigating living in an assisted living community where it's kind of like high school and you never leave, you know?

The drama, the assisted living places. We could get into that one day. That is a whole episode. That interests you. Yeah. So it's, it's constant, you know, like you're going from changing one child's diaper to maybe changing a parent's diaper. Yes, which I have done all in the same day. Absolutely. You know, I'll carry a diaper bag for my kids and there's a diaper bag for my parents sometimes. ⁓ and now, now here we are.

Yeah. And that's why, you know, We don't want to spend all this time talking about our own stories. We want to share as we go along. But what we really are hoping is that if you're listening to this and you're going through this, that you're like, ⁓ there are other people going through this that are kind of around my age that are struggling with the same struggles and they are talking about it they're providing actual resources that are actually helpful. We are hoping to have

lots of different experts on the show that are really sort of focused on this very stage of life, whether it's financial legal or emotional. And we just, we really felt like we needed a community around such a specific moment. Cause you know, we're social, I would say kind of funny people and it's really hard to bring these things up when you're like with your gals, you know, you're like, let's go to brunch and I'm going to tell you about like my aging parents. It's not the best brunch fodder.

So you're like, okay, I'll give it two minutes. I'll give you a brief update. I'll give you my elevator speech sort of of what's happening, but I'm not going to get deep into it. But then where do you go? Where do you go with all those feelings and everything that's happening? Which is why I'm so grateful for this friendship that we have because nothing is really off limits. And I think we sort of can have the capacity and make the room to listen to some of those really hard stories.

And funny stories, you like where did my mom put the wheat thins today? Did she put them in her bed or under the sink or I don't know, but she's got to find her wheat thins, you know? So I got to go help her find them. Like this is, I got to go early. Help my mom find her wheat thins and her peanut M & Ms because she hid them from herself. Exactly. So we will be doing a segment called,

Should I Laugh or Cry? Or something like that. Yeah. And I actually think we should have people write in. I think that would be amazing. And we can read your, Should I Laugh or Cry? I didn't know if I should laugh or cry today. Yeah. And you can share with us your moment. Absolutely. I think a really cool thing about this podcast is the community side. And you kind of touched on that. we're here to host, but we're also here to listen, And to learn.

This is a very big topic. I think we have enough ideas for four seasons at this point But it really is going to hopefully build community I remember in the early days of navigating my parents situation I would Google yeah podcasts and There's a lot of books about the sandwich generation. There's a lot of quick mentions in an episode and there are some podcasts now

that are devoted to the sandwich generation, but they're a little more serious maybe than I'm hoping that this will be. And I think the community engagement is something that really makes us all feel seen and heard.

There's just so much to share and talk about. If you've never heard the sandwich generation,

Term term. We're hoping you have because you've tuned in and you kind of know someone's probably been like, hey you, you're part of the sandwich generation. I heard of what it is. We thought we'd just kind of walk through some definitions and some info about who you are if you're listening. Robyn, When you started this journey with your parents or people ever like, you're sandwiched? No. Somebody just said to me, it's called the sandwich generation. I'm like, what the hell is that?

I know it's a weird term. Like I don't love the term. Yeah, it's not the sexiest. No, not at all. But nothing about this is the sexiest. That's true. Not a sexy season. Not a sexy season. So the term the sandwich generation refers to middle aged adults who are simultaneously caring for their aging parents and raising their own children.

This group is sandwiched between the needs of both generations, often facing significant financial, emotional, and time related challenges. Yeah. mean, that's a pretty good synopsis of what it is. I fell asleep a little bit. Yeah. But yeah, I was like, yep, that's us. OK, here are some characteristics of the sandwich generation. Caring for two generations, responsible for both the needs of aging parents and their children. Age, like typically sandwich generation are people in their 40s and 50s.

types of caregivers may provide financial, emotional support and practical assistance with daily living tasks. If that's you, give yourself a pat on the back. If you're listening, do think that there's probably a lot of people listening that are also taking care of their loved one at home. Definitely.

in home care varies so much that they could physically be taking care of them every single day too, you know? Yes, absolutely.

And then it does say the caregivers experience financial difficulty is they may need to reduce work hours and take on additional jobs to support both their parents and their children, which is a whole. Do you feel that? Yes, I absolutely feel that. absolutely feel that. the amount that I have to fit in my work days is. It's like a full time job. It's absolutely a full time job. And it's and then you're you know, you're doing.

daycare drop-offs and school pickups and making lunches and caregiver conferences. Absolutely. Like you have one in an hour, you know, recording a podcast and then you're going to hop on a care conference. It is real. It is very real. And yet we're still trying to work. We're running businesses. We're running our households, running our households. Absolutely. And trying to have fun. we're trying to, you know, like

On Wednesday, I'm getting my dad to the hospital at 5 a.m. for a surgery and then my husband bought concert tickets that night. I don't know how I'm going to stay awake on Wednesday, you know, and we have to a shot of breast milk and you're going to get your ass to that concert. Ten shots of espresso because you have you. Did you even say you have a newborn? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right now. Yeah, we have a five month old. Five month old. Yeah, she's almost six months, but it's not that small. Of newborn days again.

and then our older daughter, also has gymnastics on Wednesday. So it's like, hit it all, right? Like we absolutely hit it all. And I'm just hoping to God that the surgery goes well. I hope that it goes well for you sending you all the good vibes.

So some factors contributing to the sandwich generation, there's increased life expectancy now, people are living longer, which means that we are caring for our loved ones longer. And then people are getting married later too, which is kind of what we both later quote unquote, whatever you would think the average age is, but

we both anecdotally know that, you I was in my late thirties when I got married. I was in my early forties when I had both of my children. have a three and a four year old. So, and then my parents were in their seventies, but could have very well been in their eighties. Yes. That's exactly how they aged sort of early for where they were. And I happened to have been having kids later. So I was sort of like, right in that unique moment. And I think we're realizing that more and more people are finding, some people are having children in their mid forties.

50s even and then obviously their parents are aging. this is we think becoming more and more common based on the stats. Yeah, and there's a lot of my friends who are maybe in their 50s and 60s and have dealt with aging parents, but their kids are maybe graduating high school or off in college and they still have Children to tend to right that never leaves us but it's less hands-on when you're literally still changing diapers.

My parents also were on the younger side. My dad was technically in his 60s still when his major health event happened. And my mom was in her 70s. And, you know, they're both technically in their 70s now, but they're aging as if they're in their 80s also, which I think is hard for them. I mean, it's hard. Completely hard for them. My dad.

hasn't driven for two years, but he's like, but I think it's time for me to jump back in, get my license for real. Is he going to? I, I think if any of us want to survive the roads, it's not really the best idea, but I didn't want to say no. Yeah. I'm like, interesting idea. Something we can consider. He's paralyzed on one side, but you know, let's not crush the dreams. That's the thing. It's like they've gone through so much grief and loss that sometimes

you have to allow them to come to some conclusions on their own while also keeping everyone on the road safe, right?

Yeah, we got it. We want to hear from you. I'm just thinking about people that are like, ⁓ I'm literally in a position where I need to take my parents license away. I need my parent, one of my parents to stop driving. How do I do that?

So that's an example of what we want to explore here and we want to hear from you. What are your specific challenges and can we speak to them and provide tips So through this podcast just to summarize we hope to make you laugh even in the moments when you want to cry We hope to build community with all of us that are going through this We hope that our guests will give some real guidance and answers to the journey. So we really hope that it'll be meaningful advice

And we hope to leave you with some resources along the way and maybe brighten your day a little bit. I hope so. You know, when you're in the car going from one errand to the next. I hope so. And as we, as we develop the podcast, we're going to come up with some fun segments to break things up, to break this out. This first one, I don't know, maybe through editing won't be long winded. Maybe it will be, who knows? It's fine. ⁓ that's great. That's the point. I mean, there's so much to talk about, but we want to keep it interesting for you as well.

we are going to leave you with one last thing. While we were naming this podcast, we asked chat GPT. Heard of it. What some alternative names were because we weren't entirely sold on the sandwich generation. But again, that's the term that is used. That's what both Robyn and I have Googled along the way. But we were kind of like, there anything cooler than the sandwich generation? But really, it turns out there's not.

Yeah, this is what these are a couple examples. This is what Chat GPT came up with. The sandwich generation, diapers depends and drama. That was a good one. I mean, that's true. Sandwich generation, holding it together between bedtimes and bingo Okay. The sandwich generation where time, energy and patience go to die. Die. I like that. I mean, it's true. The sandwich generation, a comedy of caregiving between a bib and a bedpan.

Okay. Okay. Caregivers chaos club, we like that. Two generations. No chill. Okay. If you have any like, we could be a work in progress. We have any ideas we're willing to hear. Yeah. Yeah. And for now though, we are called the sandwich generation Pod. We are. And with that, we want to thank you for listening to our very first little intro episode here and we'll be back. We'll be back for more.

Bye! Bye!

Eliesa Johnson (20:53)
We hope you enjoy today's episode and hopefully you can take away some helpful info and tips. All links and resources can be found in our show notes. Please share this episode with anyone you think this might help. And if you have a topic that you'd like to talk more with us about in the sandwich generation world, please slide into our DMS on Instagram. Our handle is @ thesandwichgenerationpod We hope you'll be back for more convos with us soon. And remember.

No matter whose diaper you're changing, you're never alone. That was great!